Month: June 2021

Spiritually preparing for marriage June 17, 2021June 15, 2021

It’s Tough Being A Single Woman

Recently, I heard an interview of a woman that was talking very openly about her past relationships. She said her last relationship was one of her worst breakups, and it was evident that she had more than just one or two breakups in her past. As she conveyed some of the details of her last relationship, which had gone horribly wrong, she made a statement that really caught my attention. She said, “After-all, we don’t choose who we fall in love with. Love chooses you.” This sounded like a pretty evolved and insightful statement. For a moment, I thought this woman was coming from a place of wisdom, having learned a few lessons about what not to do. Then, I was reminded of the verse in Deuteronomy 30:20, and it became clear that the source of her statement was not the wisdom of God’s Word.

God’s people living during Old Testament times had taken His mercy and grace for granted continually. It seemed the more He blessed them, the more they sinned against Him. They had abandoned the covenant God made with their ancestors and had turned so severely against it that they began to worship idol gods. Moses made it clear to them that there are some secrets of God that no one will ever know, but every child of God is accountable for what the Lord has revealed in His Word. Moses admonished them to come back to God and obey His instructions.

We see God’s mercy being stretched beyond the limit of what any of us can imagine. One would think that these folks would have been decimated by their own sinfulness, but again God showed them mercy and through Moses, He warned them to turn from their wicked ways before it was too late. In Deuteronomy 30:19-20(NLT), God said through Moses, “19 Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live! 20 You can make this choice by loving the LORD your God, obeying him, and committing yourself firmly to him. This is the key to your life. And if you love and obey the LORD, you will live long in the land the LORD swore to give your ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.”

Our God is all powerful, all knowing, everywhere present, holy, magnificent and brilliant in every way. He created everything that exists. Here we have the Creator of the universe, able to do anything He wants, yet He doesn’t force us to love Him, but has made loving Him our choice. There are so many single women that believe love is an uncontrollable feeling that takes over us, and that we have no control over who we fall in love with – that it just happens. But the honest truth is that God gave us all free will choice. We pick and choose how we feel about a person, place, or thing at any given moment, without pressure.

We make conscious choices about the condition of our hearts every day. If you meet someone new tomorrow, and he doesn’t match the characteristics you feel are compatible, you decide how you’ll feel about him in your heart; whether you’ll allow him to have your number or politely steer him away from your direction.

Many complain that it’s tough being a single woman. They say this because of hurtful breakups, let downs, and just plain ol’ loneliness. And it’s true that the wait often exceeds the time we considered ‘long enough’, but there’s one central truth that no single woman can ever afford to ignore or neglect. It is the reality that God has taken notice of our past relationships. He’s watched how we let ourselves be controlled by love for a man we thought checked all the boxes, and how we haven’t let ourselves be controlled by the love we ought to have for our God.

God spells it out in Genesis 2:18(NLT), where He stated, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” Heavenly Father ordained that man and woman should be helpers to one another. He took a rib from the man’s side to demonstrate they are to walk together, side by side, as equals in partnership. He made woman to be just the right helper for the man, and vice versa. So, considering God’s brilliant plan for unity, it’s no way that He would equip a man or woman with the attributes of perfect partnership and then refuse to supply the partner. God doesn’t operate like that. He’s perfect and good in every way.

Heavenly Father is not withholding the blessing of marital partnership. We withhold it from ourselves when our relationship with Him isn’t our first priority. We will always be dissatisfied with life when God isn’t the center of our existences. 2Timothy 1:7(NLT) tells us, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” These spirits cultivate confidence and stability within. They speak to our readiness to love from a heart filled with love for God through the Lord Jesus Christ. We must learn self-control with our emotions, so that we’re operating as mature Christians with sound minds.

Be assured that if you’re praying for marriage, ‘single’ is a temporary status. It is a time to love and know ourselves more fully in Christ. It gives us space to do the work that is necessary to put God first in our hearts and minds, and to prove to Him that we are committed to His Will. When we do this, we’ll begin to enjoy this season of being single. It will not seem tough for us, because we’ll be anchored in our confidence that God is grooming us, and we will be wives who love our husbands from a place of wholeness and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Encouragement and Inspiration, Spiritually preparing for marriage June 9, 2021June 8, 2021

Raise the Roof on Your Faith!

There are just as many good men out there as there are good women. To second guess this truth is to diminish the brilliance of our Heavenly Father’s intelligence. There is a man that equals your capacity to love, and he is desiring your brand of specialness as much, if not more, as you are desiring his. However, sometimes our attention settles on a man that has a lot of the qualities we appreciate, but he isn’t uniquely suited to walk with us through life. No matter how much we try to force this square peg and make it fit, it simply isn’t going to. This can be a very disappointing situation. We all want to be loved in a meaningful way, and some of us will expend a lot of energy trying to pry it out of a man. As daughters of the Most High, our confidence has to get to a point where we never feel the need to receive something from a man that he clearly is not willing to give.

Our Heavenly Father cannot fail. He doesn’t disappoint. This must be the foundation of our hope for the wonderful life He has made available through Jesus Christ. God wants us to have this life, and He wants us to enjoy it right now! For generations, we have heard many folks of yester-years talk, teach, and preach about making it to that great by and by. Life on earth was so difficult for them that thinking of the afterlife in heaven was their only great comfort. It is true, and cannot be denied, that nothing compares to heaven. It is more majestic, brilliant, supernatural, and extraordinary than our imaginations can hold, but you and I must never, ever forget that we’re in a different place than those of yesteryear. Those before us couldn’t have dreamed that we’d have access to the amount of knowledge and revelation we’ve learned from God’s Word. They thought they had to die to experience God’s glory, we now know we’re meant to have it right now!

The psalmist wrote in Psalm 23:3-5(NLT), “3 He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. 4 Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. 5 You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings.” Reading this ought to inspire within every believer a joy that bubbles up and runs over. This passage describes the vast richness of God’s exorbitant supply, and His supply is not limited in any way. The only thing that would limit the flow of it into our lives is a limited mindset regarding what God can and will do.

I was reminded of this kind of mindset by something that happened to a friend. She called and asked if I would give her a ride home from work. Her car wouldn’t start, her daughter was out of town on vacation and her mother didn’t drive, so she asked me to drive her home. As I was getting my keys, I received a call from her. She said she was all set and didn’t need a ride after all. A male friend of hers had returned her call, and said he was on his way to pick her up.

The next day I called to make sure she was all set with transportation home from work, or whether she’d need my help in any way. I inquired how she had made out the day prior. She hesitated in her response. She said her friend never made it to her job, and she ended up taking the bus home. I gasped. I told her she should have called me, but she said she was too embarrassed. You see, this male friend was someone she’d hope to call hubby one day. They had dated off and on for the last five years.

Colossians 3:12-13 (NLT) tells us, “12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” As God’s children, we must be holy people with a Godly attitude, and we must not demean or cast dispersions on anyone’s character. It is not for us to say whether the on-and-off-again boyfriend had wrong intentions towards my friend. He could have had good reasons for not showing up, but there’s a bigger picture here.

The on and off pattern in their relationship paints a picture of a person’s attitude towards commitment. It could be that he isn’t interested in marriage, or it could be that he has reservations about her being the one for him. Either way, it is important that every daughter of Zion recognize that continuing to make herself available for this kind of treatment does more damage to her quest for marriage than help.

As God’s daughters, we should never be arrogant and entitled. The marriage commitment is one that requires humility and a heart for service. 1Peter 4:10 (NLT) says, “God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.” We must view the role of a wife as a ministry to serve our families. So, it isn’t about pride, it is about the honor we attribute to the Spirit of Christ that lives inside us. In and of ourselves, we are flawed in many ways, but we are being perfected each moment of every day. What we carry on the inside of us is invaluable, and if we understand and appreciate this, we will honor the Gift, and desire a man that demonstrates the capacity to honor it too.

Please see the parallel between limited thinking regarding God’s capacity to bless, and ultimately settling for a man who shows you nothing more than a limited understanding of who you are and what you carry. We receive in proportion to what we believe. Let’s raise the roof on our believing and faith! ■

Keeping it Real!, Prayer June 3, 2021June 8, 2021

Too Fast Too Soon

Dear Heavenly Father,

I was a little puzzled by something a person shared with me. She hasn’t been dating her boyfriend very long, only a few weeks, and already he says that he loves her. When I cautioned her about moving too fast too soon, she became defensive and said she didn’t understand my point of view. “People are supposed to love one another, and you can’t help it when your emotions takeover.” It is common for teenagers to express a sentiment like hers, but as mature adults, we have to be ever mindful of how You have told us to conduct ourselves.

You tell us in Proverbs 4:23 to guard our hearts above all else. Therefore, we have no other choice but to realize that guarding our hearts is a chief responsibility. To guard is to watch what goes in and watch what comes out of our hearts. It is to be very discerning and careful about allowing our feelings to get behind the wheel and start driving the vehicle of our lives. Father, You have given us the capacity to feel deeply. You created us with the capacity to feel those love butterflies in our tummies, but as we mature, we must understand that there’s a difference between those feelings and what it means to express Your kind of love towards someone.

In 1Corinthians 13:4-7(NLT), You tell us a little bit about Your kind of love. This passage says, “4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” You have commanded every believer to love this way. You tell us in Ephesians 5:1(NLT), “Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.”

We owe Godliness to everyone. We must love every person with a Godly level of compassion, kindness, patience, and humility, but romantic love is different. When someone loves us in a wifey kind of way, they must demonstrate a willingness and capacity to love us the way Jesus Christ loves the church and gave his life for the church. As women, we must be careful because this Christ-kind of love is more than feelings. It is a commitment.

Love is too powerful of a reality to be summed up in a craving for physical affection. Please help us to see this clearly, Heavenly Father. Help us to be wise and to recognize when we are being pursued only because of the way we look, and not because of who we are. We are Your beloved daughters. Please teach us to carry ourselves in a way that is worthy of the inheritance You have given us through Christ. Please help us to discern when a man is presenting us with something that isn’t real. Help us to snap to our senses and recognize when “I love you” is too fast and too soon. We must have confidence that good things come to those who wait.

Thank You for opening our eyes to the reality of Your standard and truth. Thank You for our powerful Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and for Your precious Holy Spirit. In the name of Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

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